Hey, football freaks! That’s what you are now, right? Because you read this blog. And we love us some football.
Just because Texas has the week off (this is a “bye” week) doesn’t mean there’s NO football! There’s plenty of football for everyone. We all love the ‘Horns. REALLY REALLY love the ‘Horns. Have you seen me? I have orange hair. That’s how much I love the ‘Horns. But all this love can leak out and infect some other teams, too. Don’t be stingy with your football love! Spread that stuff around!
Whether you’re just getting into football or you’ve watched forever, since games were chiseled out on stone tablets and you watched while riding your brontosaurus, it’s more enjoyable when you broaden your horizons. My homework for you this week, since our eyeballs are being deprived of Texas, is to find a second team to watch. Or a third, or a fiftieth! To help in your quest, I’m making some recommendations for games to catch on our off weekend.
1. Arizona vs. Oregon!
Yea! Go Ducks! They’re my adopted second team. Ducks are #2! Ducks are #2!
This week, an improved and fired-up Arizona team sashays into Eugene, thinking of victory. Sorry, Charlie. The Ducks are gonna bring it! And I’ll bring it, all the way to the sofa, where I will knit and watch football and occasionally scare the dog. (I need to finish my daughter’s Totoro mittens. What? She’s 21.)
The Ducks are really exciting to watch. I know this is a Pac 12 game, so it might not be broadcast in all areas. Catch it if you can. Watch out for the freshman QB phenomenon, Marcus Mariota. And jeez Louise, do NOT miss a break-away run by Black Momba himself, De’Anthony Thomas! He’s friends with Snoop Dog. Really, I’m not making it up.
2. USC vs. Cal
Last week the suntanned crybabies from USC got their clocks cleaned by a very motivated Stanford team. Look, I don’t like USC. I stopped liking them in 2005 when their crybaby quarterback cried his big wet tears to the press about how they were the better team, just after Vince Young and the Longhorns handed them a SPANKING on national TV. Sorry, Matt Leinart, you giant suntanned crybaby. You lost. OK, so you won the Heisman (VINCEYOUNGWASROBBED.COM). You still lost the big one.
Sorry! I’m back. USC needs to rebound, and Cal is coming off a loss as well. This week is important for both teams, but only one can win. Guess who I’m pulling for? Not the suntanned crybabies.
3. Missouri vs. South Carolina
You almost have to watch a game with a team called the Gamecocks. OK, for serious, South Carolina and Missouri are both in the tough-as-nails SEC (OH THEY LIKE TO THINK THEY’RE TOUGH DON’T THEY). Missouri is new to the conference, exiting the Big 12 last year. So tune in and hope they lose! Go Gamecocks! LOLWUT. That will never not be funny. Because I’m 12.
4. Michigan vs. Notre Dame
See, lots and lots of people love Notre Dame with their rich history and Touchdown Jesus and
Samwise Gamgee Rudy and all that malarkey. I am not one of those people. No self-respecting Longhorn fan would root for Notre Dame, even against OU. I know, I know, but it’s true. Notre Dame can fall in a hole in the earth, which is why I’ll be rooting for Michigan! Go Gamecocks! Sorry. Wolverines! For the win.
OK, seriously, Michigan is one of those teams I kinda like. Notre Dame gets tons of press coverage every. Single. Year. Whether they deserve it or not. It is one of the most storied programs in college football, and I have no *&$^ left to give! This should be a decent showdown between two good teams. Some good football could happen.
5. Kansas State vs. Oklahoma
Can they both lose? Seriously, don’t pick either one as your backup date when Texas is sick or washing its hair. They both suck. A lot.
Confession: I’ll watch, at least a minute or two. I’m on the lookout for Bob Stoops to pick his nose on national TV.
So, take a moment, browse through the TV listings, see what floats your boat. Watching teams from other conferences gives you an opportunity to see other offensive and defensive schemes, where these teams play, what their fans are like, and whether their uniforms are so ugly they could stop a clock. This is important information.
You can watch Alabama if you feel like you have to. They have a new victim on tap. Personally, I think I’ll be busy trimming the dog’s toenails. Another confession: I do like LSU. Always have. Maybe it’s their Mardi Gras-flavored colors, the fact they’re in New Orleans, or some other intangible. However, with Alabama at #1 and LSU at #2, I fear another bowl season only the swamp people will love.
Happy hunting! Oh, and go to the Honey Boo Boo nickname generator. I plan to go by Rumple Miss from now on.