Mountaineers Against The State of Texas, Round 3: West Virginia vs TCU

Where have I been, you ask? Maybe you aren’t asking, but I’ll tell you anyway.

Honestly, I just couldn’t stomach writing a wrap-up of our latest ass-whooping the Kansas State game. Since the beginning of the season I’ve been dreading the inevitable choking, and there it was. The Texas Tech game should have been a glitch in an otherwise good season, a wake-up call, but it wasn’t. It was the beginning of the end of our season. Then West Virginia had a bye week last Saturday. My anxiety and also my blood pressure were grateful for it, and I had an extra week to pull myself together.

While I was away, I’ve developed a few theories as to what’s going on.

1. Sometime between the Texas game and the Texas Tech game, Geno Smith, Tavon Austin, Stedman Bailey, Andrew Buie, and possibly a few other offensive players were abducted and replaced with Pod People and/or Replicators who don’t know how to play Earth Football.

2. The Pitt-WVU rivalry is, in fact, still a thing and co-defensive coordinator Keith Patterson is a Pitt spy on a covert mission to ruin my life this football season.

3. Our switch to a 3-4 defense isn’t working. Maybe it’s not working because we have two co-defensive coordinators and too many cooks spoil the broth, or whatever that cliche is. Maybe it’s not working because most of the defensive players are lazy and can’t be bothered with things like tackling, guarding receivers, deflecting passes, or, God forbid, intercepting the ball.

It’s probably #3, but that doesn’t mean I’ve ruled out #2 or #1.

The formula to beat the Mountaineers is simple: apply lots of pressure to Geno Smith; keep defenders on Austin, Bailey, and Buie; fire at will because our defense is Swiss cheese. The super-aged kind with lots of holes. Now that our remaining opponents are aware of this formula, we’ll be lucky if we end this season with an invite to the Toilet Bowl.

After that Kansas State loss, it was all Lord of the Flies: WVU edition in the football blogs. The coaches blaming the players, the players blaming the coaches, poor Geno Smith blaming himself. Lots of blame, no talk of how to improve.

Make your Debbie Downer womp womp noise because I’m going to go ahead and put this week’s game on upset alert. WVU is going in ranked at #21, but I expect the Mountaineers to continue their free fall off the rankings by losing to unranked TCU. Not just because of the Replicators issues I mentioned above, but because I don’t think the issues can be overcome.

Help us, Shawne Alston, you’re our only hope.

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