An open letter to sports journalists everywhere

I have spent a fair amount of time this morning listening to the likes of Lou Holtz and Kirk Herbstreit pontificate about the possibilities of today’s epic match ups.

I have but one comment: Gentlemen, my alma mater is Southern CaliFORNIA. Not Southern Cal. We are in no way affiliated with UC Berkeley. We are not their southern sister school. While we all appreciate efficiency in your field of fast talk, three extra syllables never hurt anyone or ended a career. Lou, you are forgiven because you are adorable. Kirk, imagine if your colleagues refused to say “THEE” before your alma mater. But then imagine a word more important than an article were butchered. Yeah; skin crawl city.

If efficiency must rule the day, here are your only options for abbreviated speech: USC or ‘SC.

This can’t be too much to ask. If I were paid your salary, I could spare a few syllables for a team.

Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.

I believe in you.

Sincerely,

A grammar nerd and proud alumna

 

 

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